"Sorry I'm late, I was told this meeting was somewhere else, but anyway, I am Ozzie." Ozzie Osborne (not the rock star!) at the start of the All Hands meeting when he visited Hursley
"Up you go, Derek, onto the table!" Lorraine Waitt putting the telephone onto the table prior to it being used to call Derek Lee-Wo at the start of a status meeting - all she knows Derek as is the phone!
"I think I've broken him." Tim Poultney when I repeatedly banged my head on the table at the start of the Message Center weekly status meeting when I heard that he was chairing the meeting, when Noel Rooney was on leave and Wendy-Ann Coyle was in New Zealand
"The size of cellphone keypads has gone down, but guess what? The size of human fingers has stayed the same!" William "Ozzie" Osborne promoting speech recognition
"I guess you can't vait to get back to vork." Kristof Klöckner at the end of the Lab Employee Meeting when there were no questions
"Maybe ve could spare just a nanosecond of silence for Bill Gates and his predicament?" Kristof Klöckner at the start of the Lab Employee Meeting on the day after Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the breakup of Microsoft
"Everything on the poser scale is normal." Tim Wynne
"And the outcome of that meeting was another meeting." Noel Rooney
"Next week I'm actually in RTP, not RIP as it says on the board." Noel Rooney
Me: Excuse me, I've heard rumours that you have a mobile phone.
Kristof Klöckner: No I don't. Vell, actually I do but it's in ze car. Ze batteries have run out.
"We own this?" Lou Gerstner when he visited Hursley, landing his helicopter on the lawn and seeing Hursley House
"Whatever you do, don't bring your mobile phone to the status meeting or close the door with your foot, or he'll (me) have a go at you." Tony Davison to Lorraine
"I've been dreaming about Message Center." Noel Rooney
"There are two bits where he says 'Jump' 17 times in a row." John Davis on one of the songs that most students like listening to
"It talks, you type. Interesting variation." Tony Davison on the ViaVoice slogan, "You talk, it types"
"No, I'm all right doing my own thing. To be honest, I don't like IT's (Industrial Trainees)." John Davis when I unsuccessfully tried to get him to come out and make friends for the umpteenth time
"Sorry, but there's no Stevo clause on my insurance." Andy Bates when I drove his car a short distance on the way to Newquay when he got out when the Dr Pepper bottle fizzed up
"Am I feeling kind?" Daudi Turya when my legs were cramped on the way to Newquay and I wanted to sit in the front - and the answer was yes!
"One of the things IBM stands for is I've Been Moved." Various people in IBM
"My advice for Hursley is to take a ball of string, leave the end with the receptionist and don't let go." Paul Spendlove
"No alcohol is allowed on IBM premises, and as this is an IBM course, you're not allowed any alcohol all week." Paul Robertson
"That's it, now you can watch Ready, Steady, Cook." Neil Simpson at the end of the interview day